Thousands and tons of W.H.Y.?

Why is it that I deserved a life like this?
I really can't accept it.
There's too much questions in my mind.
And these will be something that won't ever be solved in my life.
As..I WILL NEVER SHARE MY ACTUAL FEELING, THOUGHTS OR QUESTIONS TO ANYBODY.
Many times you will find me talking to myself.
But I don't think that many people noticed that.
I asked myself questions.
But I will never get myself answers no matter how hard I tried to answer it.
I just wanna find a right person to tell.
Cause I never trust a person 100%..
So if I did tell my secret to others.
I can't confirm that that person won't spread rumors about me and so on.
I have too much of hesitating, guessing and worrying about a person.
You may know me facing some problem,
but I won't ever sounds out them.
This may be my BIGGEST PROBLEM.
How?
How can I live a life like this?!
I'm tired.
Tired of everything in my stupid and meaningless life.
I hope that it can end as soon as possible.
As my stupid retarded life is not for me to live on.
I cant stand all of these breathtaking task that GOD throw for me.
Why I should walk through all these things?
Why? Can you just give me an answer?
Just a simple one will do.
Ohh no. I know there wont be one. That's the fact.
Okay. I accept it.
Don't drive me insane will be the best thing YOU ever treated me la weyy..
I'm finding a person that I can throw anything to..
I'm too tired dy.
Tired for keeping everything in my heart.
It's now low in memory.
I need a pendrive indeed..
For me to transfer all my questions into it.
So that they won't burst my heart into pieces.
When the day I can't stand it anymore,
Wait and see what will I do to end all of these.
Just back off in my life!

 This is me. A simple me with a complicated heart.

 

Hmm..
Recently really happened too many things in my life.
I never think before I will attend my friend's funeral.
It's a NEVER!
But it happens on me a month ago.
She's the first and ever one that I attended such a young person's funeral.
Although I never talk to her before..
But we walk by at school canteen just the day before he commit into hospital.
Until now I still can't forget her eye sight that she used to watch at me.
It's so sad to recall about it.
I cried deeply for just two girls in my entire secondary school life.
And she is the second one.
Wish that she could rest in peace in another world. Best blessing for her :)